Max Payne-ful. Ha! Hey, Did You See That? I Made a Jo-

Today I had the opportunity to see Max Payne, starring Mark Wahlberg and a bunch of other people. I'll be honest, going into this movie I faced some trepidation. I was either going to see another Wanted (awesome) or Hitman (horrible). I think that, through the course of the title of this blog, you will see how I feel. Yeah, Max Payne was not a good movie. At all, really. For the moment (although I will get to it later, I promise) I want to put aside the story, etc. and focus on the mechanics here; the actual filmmaking itself.
One major problem here is that the film itself is not well-made. On occasion there are camera moves that make no sense - it's like someone was practicing. The shot will be static, then swing around to something else (jerkily, to boot) and then stop again. It's totally distracting. This is most apparent in a scene where Max (Mark Wahlberg, natch) is swimming across a river. I realize that there should be a certain amount of camera movement (here, mimicking waves), but damn, it was ridiculous. The editing seemed to make the action sequences slow down, and the dialog scenes in between the action scenes were interminable.
In one of the more blatant editing snafus I've seen in a while, there are several instances where the weather will change from one shot to another in the same scene. Seriously, it will be raining one second and then literally in the next shot it will be snowing. Then it'll be sunny, and then it'll be snowing again. And then it'll be raining. Inside. It's enough to make you sea-sick.
The picture itself had a highly-processed look, bringing to mind maybe the inside of a Slipknot CD case, like the lighting and set design wasn't crappy enough for the director. Several characters have patently ridiculous and rather blatantly-designed tattoos that we will soon be seeing on low-budget Mall Goths any day now. Audio was a disaster. While the gunshots are well-done - sharp and appropriately deafening - the vocal track is a nightmare. There are even times when the vocal track tops out and distorts, and not on purpose.
The casting is well, similarly awful. Really, Mark Wahlberg isn't the right guy for this role, but I didn't have that much of a problem with that. Instead, Mila Kunis, previously of That 70s Show, is downright miserable. She's supposed to be playing some Eastern-European criminal of some kind - apparently some kind of drug-dealer or something along those lines, it's never made clear. She is definitely not right for the role; the whole time she's onscreen it's like she's trying to butch herself up. Beau Bridges is in there too, and also woefully miscast. I'd have to say that his acting was the worst out of the bunch, to boot. I mean, terrible.
As far as the story goes, it's a mess. If you wanted to write this yourself, all you'd need to do it take a standard "cops-family-dies-and-he's-out-for-revenge-beyond-the-law" story, add some weird flying demons (are they real or hallucinations? I AIN'T SAYIN), a subplot about drugs, and then shoot yourself in the face, because if you want to write something like this we're not friends any more.
Are there any reasons to see this movie? Surprisingly, yeah, I guess. The first and foremost is my dear sweet Olga ("explicit nudity") Kurylenko, who is pure eye candy. Since this was a PG-13 movie, she remains semi-clothed throughout her performance, but if you see - coincidentally - Hitman, which is rated R, she's naked for like 45 percent of that entire movie, which technically makes that movie better than Max but whatever. You can see her as the new Bond "young woman" in the upcoming Quantum of Solace. Coincidentally, I've seen every American movie Olga's been in. Hmmm. Maybe I should call her.
Also, this movie is proof that Chris O'Donnell is still alive. Good for him. And finally, I suppose, there are some neat camera-shots here. While there was literally NONE of what we have come to call Matrix-esque "bullet-time," there are about two or three really interesting super, super, super-duper slow-motion shots, being close to what was originally termed "bullet-time" in the original Max Payne video game, which I have never played. In that respect it's kinda like Swordfish, which, too, was also awful, and the only reason to see it was the "ball-bearing bomb" shot.
Overall, this movie is certainly no Wanted, but it might have been better - slightly - than Hitman, but at least Olga was naked in Hitman, so what does that tell you? Tits FTW. You might catch this for free on cable some afternoon years from now, and think, "eh, not bad."
Oh, and if you're keeping score: Max Payne: based on a video game. Wanted: based (loosely) on a "graphic novel." Hitman: based on a video game. Oddly enough, neither video game movie was directed by Uwe Boll.

Comments

[movie fan]

i suspect the storyline for Max Payne is a lot more exciting when it's happening in the form of a video game...  except for those few exciting parts that i already saw in the preview, it was a snoozefest

[william]

Hmmm.
Because I agree with you I'll let that link slide. This time. Flattery works only so far.